3 December 2018
It seems funny, almost surreal that the best ideas would form in the shower.
A warm tantalizing place where sometimes death has been known to occur.
It’s too late to turn around in the shower.
When you realize that the person you hold closest to your broken heart stabbed you.
The place you thought was your safe haven.
Your escape from the world.
Your happy place with happy music playing.
With foggy mirrors and warm water pounding down wrapping itself around you like a hug.
And as we bleed out together you have to realize.
Loneliness will take hold of you and will never let you go.
And the worst ideas aren’t always the best and the best ideas aren’t always the worst.
You will want to tell yourself.
I wish you never swaggered your way into my life.
I would be much happier in my abundant loneliness.
Surrounded by endless books with the pages yellow and worn down.
And copious amounts of coffee to never fall asleep.
With all of the ideas both good and bad swarming around my throbbing head.
When a bad one is performed it stings just like a wasp would.
Just like loneliness does.
Although you don’t really know you’re lonely until you’re sick and all you want is your mother.
But your mother isn’t going to magically appear as you would expect.
She isn’t a goddess after all.
There were times because of this I would just lay in despair.
Wallowed in misery wrapped up in so many blankets.
My mother wouldn’t show up.
You wouldn’t be there.
Everything would remain still and dark as it always was.
Perhaps the wounds of loneliness wouldn’t bleed out.
Perhaps they would heal maybe scab over, leaving yet another reminder.
And all in all, it seemed like this form of reality was better than the truth.
The truth that bled out in the shower.
The truth that swirled down the drain with all the vengeance.
The wounds that never would heal or scab over.
All in my brain and it was as though my pain was soaked by rain that washed down the drain.
Couldn’t be separated from the truth.
The truth is that loneliness will claim your soul and never let go.
Just let it happen, darling.
There is no escape.
It is inevitable.
Love, Loneliness
BLOG IT BABY 